Again, it is late on Thursday, and I am just finishing the post for this week. The explanation is part of the blogpost today, so please give it a read.
I hope you are all having a fantastic and productive week. Enjoy the weekend!
God bless,
Olivia Fischer
Week 1: I Stand at the Door and Knock
I am not going to lie, writing the blog this week felt more tedious than usual. My faith life is going through a bit of a dry spell right now, it seems I can never find the time to pray. My days are filled up with keeping a one-year-old alive, and trying to keep the house in some semblance of order as he goes behind me and pulls everything right out again.
It is times like this in my life, I love how Catholic my Facebook feed is. The other day, a friend of mine posted this status: "Don't say, 'I don't have time to pray,' for, if we're honest, we always find time for that which we love: social media, television, waiting in line for coffee... and sin. From now on, be honest and say, 'I don't have the love to pray.' And then tell our Lord that, and plead with him for that love." - Victory
At the time I was sitting on the couch, on my phone, drinking a tea. I know a day does not pass without me checking Facebook, spending time on my phone, wasting time watching an episode of Friends. However, when I am feeling far from God, as I do now, it is easy for me to go weeks without structured prayer. I am wanting of the love that is required to pray and to seek the Lord.
Louis Rouleau delivered a powerful teaching at the last Zeteo on how we, as Christians, are meant relate to other religions. He quoted a wise man, Father Giussani, with saying: "all life is fundamentally religious. We are all constituted by a set of needs - for truth, freedom, goodness, beauty, justice, with which we explore the mystery of existence. Any attempt to understand this mystery is good, because it is a religious impulse."
Christianity, as Louis mentioned, makes a singular and radical claim about this elusive mystery. Through Jesus Christ becoming man, the mystery enters history, as is written in 1 John 1: 2-3. "[this we proclaim concerning the Word of life.] The life appeared; we have seen it and testify to it, and we proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and has appeared to us."
We do not have to seek an unreachable mystery anymore, for Jesus Christ came personally to find us. I have faith in this truth, and believe in the Bible verse we have all heard in some form or another. "'Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me." Revelation 3: 20So how do I still feel He is far from me? How do I still lack the love to let Him into my daily life?
Louis answered this question with this simple statement: "Our ability to perceive Christ as the answer [to the mystery of existence] depends on the question of how important the religious impulse is to us." He explained that the more sensitive we are to our need for truth, freedom, goodness, beauty and justice, the more capable we are of discerning Jesus as the answer.
I have become desensitized to the mystery - as I think many of us have, in the grind of daily life. This does not diminish my need for these religious impulses, but results in a sort of "nose-to-the-grindstone" mentality that makes it difficult for me to truly appreciate the beauty, the goodness, the truth of everyday moments.
My daily life is not a burden - the diapers, the relentless housework, the baby clinging to my leg as I try to make supper, all of these are meant to lead me to the mystery. These are my small reality, and it is through them, that I am called to seek what is beautiful, good, and truthful. It is through them I am called to seek Christ. It is unfortunate the very things which are meant to lead me to Christ often end up distracting me from seeking Him at all.
I know how important a structured prayer-life is, and for this I will continue to strive. However, I have come to realize I need to abandon myself to the mystery, to seeking the truth of my existence. I am small in the realm of reality, but I am not insignificant, my search is not in vain. Christ is standing at the door - should I chose to look outside my flawed scope of reality, I would find Him there.
This challenge to pray can get so much more difficult when these 'dry spells' last and last. It seems that this never gets any easier, and that's a bit frustrating. When I think back at times when I've had solid prayer, and times when it was lacking, I can see this cycle in my life that is continuous. Reaching for the mystery as Louis taught, propels me forward. Thanks for the words Olivia.
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