Gathered In His Name

Happy Thursday Zeteo Community!

Today is a beautiful day, and I plan on spending much of the rest of it outside. There is hardly any snow anywhere except for, of course, the huge mountain that is still in my backyard. All the shade we have is nice and all, but seriously. Get going, snow.

As I was not at the last Zeteo event, I thought it would be nice to have people that had attended to write the blogs for this month. Brielle Waldner was kind enough to offer to write the blog for this week. So below is her experience of the Zeteo which was held on Good Friday. I have heard such good things about it, and am sorry that I had to miss it.

I am still in the market for one other person to share their testimony from the last Zeteo. So if you feel called to contribute, please contact me. I can even post it anonymously, if that makes you feel more comfortable sharing.


Week 2 - Gathered In His Name

To be completely honest I had been avoiding Zeteo. I had convinced myself that it was only my married, or soon to be married friends, who made up the majority of the group, with a few single eighteen-year-olds sprinkled in the mix. Even though I knew this preconception was not entirely true, as I had seen pictures, and Olivia had told me I was wrong, in my mind I did not fit the demographic. So, I stayed away with lame excuses and felt excluded from this community that held so many of close friends. I could not blame anyone for the exclusion except myself. I could tell you the reason I went on Good Friday was because lately, for once in my life, my Catholic community is not my default group of friends. I have found so many strong friendships at school, and I am so blessed by that community. It has been so good to have so many people to lean on who understand my life so fully right now. Their lives are also full of lesson plans, learning about behaviour issues, and differentiated instruction and I know God helped to orchestrate my place in this community. However, most of them do not share my faith, and although they are not overtly deterring my faith life, they are certainly not holding me up in it. So I could tell you that was what lead to me the Schoenfelder's on Friday night. It would make a better story, and certainly it was something that was pushing me to go. But the real reason I went was because my house was full of extended family and all the small talk was making me claustrophobic. I just wanted to get out of the house. It was a snap decision made at 6:30 - I just stood up and left the house. Of course when I arrived, I was not shunned for being a single person over the age of eighteen. I realized I should not have been so focused on the individual people anyway. Every time, different people will show up, the important thing is that God will always show up.That is something completely lacking in my school community. 
As Jesus promises in Matthew 18: 20, "For where two or [more] have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst."
Tina's niece lead us in a meditation on scripture called a Lectio Divina. It is a form of prayer that has always fascinated me, because with reading over the same piece of scripture multiple times, it could speak to each person in different ways. That is why scripture is the Living Word of God. It was Romans 8: 26-27 that was most resounding for me. "In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God."
The words that rang out to me were that God knows everything that is in our hearts. I questioned God, whether He was speaking those words to me, or I was digging them out. Because for me, my biggest struggle right now is feeling that my heart has been forgotten. It is hard to be surrounded by friends who are getting married and having babies without feeling left behind. Marriage is something I desire as much as they do, but I so often feel that God has neglected those desires. And I was overcome by an image of the Hands of God reaching into my chest and holding my heart. It was so powerful, and so clear, I could physically feel the presence of God; the Holy Spirit flowing through me and the Hands of God reaching into my chest. Not asking for me to hand it over, just holding it right where it was. I could see my heart, it was like a basket full of odds and ends. All the things it has collected over the years. Things of the Light, and the things I try to keep in the darkness. My heart has always been open, it has collected much. People, places, experiences, hope and dreams. Things that I cannot even explain, that hold so much significance to me which other people would not understand. Things I cannot even put into words. And as I rested in that image, in that experience, I knew what God was trying to say. I often try to express to God what is going on in my heart, in my head, and in my life. Often I can never find words strong enough to express my hurt, my confusion, my desires. But He was showing me that my words do not matter so much. That He not only knows all of these things I hold in heart, but He is holding it all in His hands because my own hands are not capable. He has not neglected my heart, and neither has He neglected yours. He knows us, and understands us so much more than we even do ourselves. When we feel that the world does not understand, we need only to run to our Creator to find the understanding we seek. Thank you for being the two or more who gathered in His name and brought Him into our midst that night, because I needed that message right now. I needed that reminder - not new information, but something I forget so often. 

I ask you to pray for me, and you can be confident that you are all in my prayers as well. Love and blessings,
Brielle Waldner